All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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