No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
