And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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