hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
