Me. At least after what I've been through.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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