I wanna bring you to show and tell
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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