So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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