Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
