Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize