omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
