if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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