1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
