yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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