i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
