what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
