Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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