Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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