we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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