I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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