It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
