I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
