he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
