I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
