pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She said her name was "party"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
