I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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