sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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