I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
