did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
