I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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