I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
