He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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