The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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