Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
