census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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