She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
