im six kinds of drunk right now
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
