I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
