I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
