In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
