Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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