ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
