We're like a lot better than the average bears
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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