update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
