Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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