And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
