I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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