the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
