Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
