And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
