I bet he comes in French.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
