Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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