Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
