Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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