I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my shit smells like andre
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize