She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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