the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
