hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
