There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
