i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
