it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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