I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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