your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
