I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
