You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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