I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
