even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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