After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize