Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
