my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
