can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
