We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
