4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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