Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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