He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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