Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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