As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
