everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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